dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
