she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
