when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
