She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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