so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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