some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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