WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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