Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
