yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
