omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
