I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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