it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She even gives head with a lisp.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
