TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
