i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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