help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
