I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize