I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
