walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
