I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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