Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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