I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
