You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
