she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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