I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
