I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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