i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
