I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
