You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
