Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
