I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
