It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
