i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
