it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
