i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
