So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
