Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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