His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
