I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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