thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
