So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
