i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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