Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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