no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My vagina is very pro this idea
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
