Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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