Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
