would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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