hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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