Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
