We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just high enough for therapy.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
