Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
