he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
