So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
