dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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