Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
