She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
