____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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