I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
