come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
