Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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