I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
