I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
