my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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