I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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