On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
