I'm eating all of the evidence.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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