I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
