I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
