Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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