After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
