Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
