she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
