i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
