Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
