Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
