i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
