Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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