It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
