I puked a lego.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
