I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
