i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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