I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
