If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
