I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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