kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize