So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize