Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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