you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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