Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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