is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
