You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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