I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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