She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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