I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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