I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
