Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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