Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
