I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
