Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
