Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
