My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You have to summon your inner elephant
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize